Weird

Sometimes, when I am lazy about processing my emotions I leave them at weird.

Today, that weird feels so sad. I feel sad for the people around me and for myself. I am confused. I thinking I am constantly missing and yearning for the people in my life. It feels like a perpetual loneliness- a desire to connect with others.

I miss someone a lot even when they aren’t good for me. I just want honesty from the people around me. I need a little more. If there is interest, show it. I have all my cards on the table.

Should there be more mystery?

I know some people think that may be a flaw, but from where I am standing its wide open.

I do not walls up. I do not intend on putting walls up. It hurts like this, don’t get me wrong, but not feeling is so much worse.

I feel weird about leaving my job. I know I am loved and liked. I know I need to move into a direction that will serve the life I want.

I feel weird.

It feels stressful, but I do not want to just live for other people, I need to do what is right for me.

It is weird in an exciting way because I have a vague idea of what is next. I am ready to work hard and bust my ass. I am expecting it will be hard, but I am ready to learn.

I need to be better about sitting with my emotions to process them. I feel like I am at the precipice of every single one of my emotions all the time and yet when asked I just say weird.

5:50am